For this reason, I’ve decided to include quotes as a regular feature of “The Healing Project.”

The topics will vary, but I know that I will enjoy sharing some of my favorite inspirational quotes with my readers.

There’s an App for That…

After deciding that it was high time I acquired a “smart phone,” I recently became the proud owner of a Motorola Droid 2.  Since my previous outdated Razr phone did not allow for the inclusion of the multitude of “apps” available in today’s marketplace, one of the first things I did was download numerous applications.  Some were useful while others were merely supreme time-wasters, but it was fun to discover what’s out there and how I could add to my education and enjoyment (not to mention procrastination) through technology.

10 Favorite Quotes on Happiness

One wonderful app that I found is one called Happiness Quotes.   It does just what the name says, lists quotes on the topic of happiness from various authors.  Today’s post is a collection of ten of my favorite quotes from the Happiness Quotes application.  I hope you enjoy this short but thought-provoking post.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi

I am more and more convinced that our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of live than on the nature of those events themselves.” – Karl Wilhelm von Humboldt

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” – Epictetus

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” – Agnes Repplier

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I can choose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet.  I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” – Groucho Marx

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” – Hugh Downs

You can easily find people who are ten times as rich at sixty as they were at twenty; but not one of them will tell you that they are ten times as happy.” – George Bernard Shaw

I’ve learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.” – Unknown

Happiness is an attitude.  We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong.  The amount of work is the same.” – Francesca Reigler

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller

Your Thoughts?

What do you think of the above quotes on happiness?  What are your favorite quotes on this all-important topic?  I would love to get your input.

Stay tuned for future posts with quotes on other topics.  Topic suggestions are welcome!

Related Posts:

• Missing Tile Syndrome: As human beings, we have a tendency to focus on what is missing instead of on what is present.  This post focuses on a concept introduced by author Dennis Prager in his book, “Happiness is a Serious Problem.”  I present an overview of the concept of the “missing tile syndrome,” as well as the three main ways for dealing with it.
• Gratitude Revisited: During the week of Thanksgiving, I decided to revisit some of my past posts on the important topic of gratitude. I believe that gratitude is one of the critical ingredients for happiness!  When we are grateful for what we have, we are better able to live in the moment and enjoy our lives. No matter how many troubles we have at a given point in time, we can always find aspects of our lives that we appreciate and enjoy.   This “glass half-full” type of attitude can help us to embrace what’s right in our lives instead of lament that which we feel is wrong.
• The Decision: This post outlines a life-changing decision I made in August 2009.  Prior to that decision, I had become increasingly fearful, negative, and pessimistic.  I wrestled with many issues and was worrying my life away.  What I decided was something I knew before, but not “in my bones.”  I get to choose how to approach my life and how things will affect me.  I set the powerful intention to live in the moment and face life with a positive attitude.

On May 25, 2011, the final Oprah Winfrey Show aired. Unlike all of her other shows, this show did not include any guests.  It was just Oprah on stage sharing the lessons she’s learned over the years and imparting some final insights to her audience.

I recently watched this episode and feverishly took notes as I watched, periodically pausing my DVR so that I could capture as many of Oprah’s parting words of wisdom as possible.  In this post, I will share what I believe were the most important lessons presented by Oprah in her final show. In the coming weeks and months, I will expand upon some of these topics and share how they relate to my personal healing journey.

The five key lessons from Oprah’s final show are taken from the notes I took while watching the show. The words are Oprah’s, but the paraphrasing is mine.  I welcome any comments or feedback you have on the insights shared by Oprah.

Everyone Has a Calling and a “Platform”

Every day that Oprah stood on stage, she knew it was exactly where she was supposed to be.  She never missed a day in 25 years because she knew the audience was there and because her show was what she was called to do.

We are all “called.” Our real job in life is to figure out what our calling is and to get about the business of doing it.  A calling lights you up and lets you know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Our calling does not have to be something for which we are paid and it doesn’t have to make us famous.

Each one of us also has our own platform, like Oprah’s show was for her.  Our platform is wherever we are, with our own reach, however small or however large. We all have our own “circle of influence,” and this is where our power lies.  We all have the power to change someone’s life!

Nobody But You is Responsible for Your Life

We are all responsible for the energy that we create for ourselves and for the energy that we bring to others. Like Newton stated in his Third Law of Motion, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

Oprah showed a scene from “The Color Purple” which illustrated what she termed “the Golden Rule to the Tenth Power.” The character Celia, played by Whoopi Goldberg, was leaving her abusive husband and he tried to intimidate her to get her to stay.  As she walked away, he raised his hand to strike her.  She held her hand up and said,

Everything you’ve done to me, you’ve already done to you.”

What we put out into the world, positive or negative, comes back to us, often to a greater magnitude than we originally put out.

Don’t wait for someone else to fix you, save you, or complete you. When we understand that we are responsible for our lives, everything changes.  We become free!

Unworthiness is the Common Thread

Through the years on her show, Oprah spoke to a lot of people who were suffering in a multitude of ways. What she learned is that the common thread that runs through almost all suffering is unworthiness, not feeling worthy enough to own the life that we were created for.  We often block our own blessings because we don’t feel inherently good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or worthy enough.

There is a difference between thinking that you deserve to be happy and knowing that you are worthy of happiness. You are worthy because you were born and because you are here.  Your being alive makes worthiness your birthright.  You alone are enough!

We All Want Validation

Oprah talked to over 30,000 people during the 25 years of her show.  She believes that all of these people had one thing in common; they all wanted validation.  Every person you will ever meet shares that common desire.  They all want to know,

Do you see me? Do you hear me?  Does what I say mean anything to you?”

Understanding that everyone wants to be heard has helped Oprah to be less judgmental, and this knowledge can help us in the same way.

Validate others in your life.  Let them know, “I see you, I hear you, and what you say matters to me.” Validating our friends and families will go a long way toward improving all of our interpersonal relationships.

Your Life is Speaking to You

Toward the end of Oprah’s final show, she turned her attention more to the realm of the spiritual.  She spoke of God and how she has felt a voice bigger than herself speaking to her all of her life.  She told us that we all have a voice inside of ourselves that provides us with guidance, if we are willing to be still and listen. Those who are religious or spiritual may call this voice “God”; others may call it their conscience, inner self, or higher self.  The name isn’t nearly as important as the message.

Our lives are always speaking to us, first in subtle whispers like “Hmm, that’s odd” or “Hmm, is that right?” If we don’t pay attention to the whispers, the message gets louder and louder, like being thumped upside the head.  If we don’t pay attention to those messages, it’s like a brick wall upside the head, and then the whole brick wall falls down!

Your life is speaking to you – what is it saying?  Ask yourself,

What are the whispers in my life right now? What’s whispering to me, and will I hear it?”

Final Message

For Oprah, her audience has been a “safe harbor” for 25 years.  What she hopes is that we all will be a safe harbor for someone, their soft place to fall.  She asks that we do for them what the Oprah Winfrey Show has done for us.

Connect, embrace, liberate; love somebody, just one person.  Then spread that to two and as many as you can, and see what a difference it makes.” – Oprah

I could have written much more than I wrote above.  I took nine pages of notes while watching Oprah’s final show!  While my notes cannot possibly convey the full experience of having watched the show, I hope they have provided some value for those who did not watch, as well as some reminders for those who did watch.  I intend to watch the episode again and further explore how Oprah’s lessons relate to me and my life.

I wish Oprah the very best in her new ventures!  I’m sure she will continue to serve as a teacher to many and shine more of her light upon the world.

At times, I would tell myself that I had fulfilled my commitment for the blog in that I’d continued it for a full year, just as I had intended to do.  When I felt guilty for not posting, I would rationalize that not many people were reading the blog anyway and that no one would really miss it.

There is more healing to do…

The truth is, however, that I missed writing “The Healing Project.”  And more than that, I hadn’t accomplished what I had set out to do – heal my life.   It is true that I gained some powerful insights through blogging and that I made some positive strides in changing my attitude and my life circumstances during the year that I wrote “The Healing Project.”

I am proud of the accomplishments I made, but I am nowhere close to being “healed” or finished with my personal development journey.  Of course, it can be said that we are never done learning or growing.  As long as we are alive, we have the opportunity to continue our growth path, and that has always been my intention for my life.

Year 2 of “The Healing Project”

So this post marks my announcement of Year 2 of “The Healing Project.”  With the resumption of this blog come some new intentions and a new format.  During the first year of “The Healing Project,” I aimed to post once per week and to impart a powerful lesson in each post.  I also strived to complete the lessons in Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life” and to write about insights from what I learned from this wonderful teacher.  While I will still endeavor to complete the Louise Hay exercises (I’m probably close to 75% done at this point) and will likely incorporate Hay’s teachings in some of my posts, I am broadening the focus of “The Healing Project” in its second year.

New focus and format

In Year 2 of “The Healing Project,” I will share insights from a variety of spiritual and personal development teachers, as well as from the teachers whom I encounter in my daily life (we are all teachers, after all).  I will continue to be open and honest about my own struggles and triumphs, for two reasons.  First and foremost, it is difficult to grow and change without honesty and self-awareness.  Second, regardless of how few or how many people read my blog, if my openness and candor can help even one person in one small way, it is worth it for me to share myself and risk personal embarrassment and shame.

Some of my posts will be lengthy and some will be short.  Some posts will impart profound lessons (at least I hope so!) while others will involve a simple sharing of my experiences on my personal healing journey.  I will try to keep it both real and entertaining.  I will still strive to post once per week, but sometimes it may be more or less often.  As always, I welcome comments and suggestions for future topics.

Intentions for Year 2

My intentions for Year 2 of “The Healing Project” are simple – but not easy.  I want to continue to increase my self-awareness, enhance my self-compassion and self-love, grow and learn a bit more each day, and become a better and more self-actualized human being.  I also hope to contribute to others through my insights and my sharing.  That last hope is the proverbial icing on the cake – there are no guarantees that I will help others, but I definitely hope I will, even if it’s in just a small way…

With that, let Year 2 of “The Healing Project” begin!

• What will this year be about for you?
• How do you want this year to be different from last year?
• What do you want to create in 2011?

Questions like the ones above can be addressed in a simple but meaningful fashion by creating a theme for the year.  This concept was brought to light for me about five years ago when I attended a special New Year’s Eve church service.  The service involved a ritual termed the “burning bowl and white stone ceremony” and consisted of two parts.   We were first instructed to write down all of the things which didn’t work for us in the previous year.  We then ripped up the pages we had written and tossed them into a fire, as a way of letting go of our burdens and clearing the way for new creation.

A Guiding Theme

The second portion of the ceremony began with a period of guided visualization, during which we meditated upon what we wanted for ourselves in the coming year.  The purpose of this exercise was to generate a single word or phrase which would be our guiding theme for the year to come.  We were given a small white stone on which to write our theme word so we could keep it in mind as the year progressed.

I attended that church service several times and always left feeling light and hopeful.   I remember keeping the white stone in front of my computer throughout the year so I would see it each and every day.  I also recall noticing the many ways in which my chosen theme weaved its way through my consciousness and my daily life.  Some themes which I chose for myself in past years were acceptance, freedom, peace, growth, and gratitude.

My 2011 Theme – Generosity

Although I did not attend the church service this past New Year’s Eve (and I don’t even know if it’s still being held), I did choose a theme for myself for 2011.  As I pondered the concept late in 2010, one word came to mind – generosity.  It was very clear to me that I should focus on being more generous during 2011.

A Complex Concept…

Generosity is a complex concept in that it can refer to various facets of our being.  While most people think of generosity as relating to our interactions with others, it can also apply to the way in which we relate to ourselves.  It can specify the degree to which we share our money and our time, yet it can also relate to how much we share of ourselves.  For me, it is all of these things and more.

When I think about being more generous in 2011, I consider the big and the small, the macro and the micro.  I have always been good at giving gifts, sending cards, and donating to charity.  I remember and acknowledge key occasions for the people in my life and I have volunteered my time for a number of charities over the years.  In many ways, I am already a generous person, but I know that I can enhance my generosity.  Discovering new avenues for generosity and getting into action in those areas will be an area of focus for me this year.

Increasing Connection

In my 7/20/2010 post, “Lack of Connection,” I wrote about the sense of isolation I felt and the fact that I had very few people in whom to confide.  Unfortunately, this hasn’t changed much in the past six months.  I continue to struggle with feelings of loneliness and I feel shut off from others much of the time.  Although I have taken some steps to turn this around, the process of cultivating new friendships and deep connections cannot be rushed.  It takes time to build a relationship, but it also takes commitment, willingness to risk, and generosity.

Relationships Are Like Plants

The old adage that one must be a friend to have a friend is definitely true.  We really do get back what we put into our relationships.   A relationship is like a plant in this respect.  If you give a plant the right amount of water, fertilizer, and sunlight, it will flourish.  In contrast, if you ignore your plant and keep it in a dark corner, it will die. Similarly, if you devote time and attention to your friends (and family), you will likely enhance the degree of closeness and connection in those relationships.  If you neglect your relationships, they will eventually wither away and die just like the ignored plant.

Sadly, a number of my relationships have deteriorated or crumbled away through lack of attention.  Some of these connections had run their natural course and it was time for them to end.  I truly believe that relationships are in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  Not all entanglements are mean to last forever, but I know that some of my severed ties primarily resulted from my neglect.  Had I been more generous with my time and myself, some of these people would probably still be in my life.

Little Things Mean a Lot

I often wait too long to reach out to others because I think I need to send a lengthy email, initiate a long phone call, or suggest an in-person get-together.  Yet, in many instances, a short note or call would mean a lot to another person.  A forwarded article of interest can show someone you’re thinking of him or her and that you care.  A brief Facebook wall post or text message every now and then can help to keep a relationship alive.  All of these things are ways of being generous in relationships.  Of course, the more lengthy interactions are also needed from time to time, but not all of our contacts need to be time-consuming.

Keeping Generosity in Mind…

As part of my generosity theme for 2011, I have started a log in which to record all of the generous actions I take, big and small.   I have also posted the word “generosity” at the top of my computer to keep this concept in mind as I go about my day-to-day life.  In addition, I may also choose to set goals for myself related to generosity moving forward.

I will likely revisit my 2011 theme in a future blog post later in the year.  In the meantime, I encourage you to consider selecting a theme for yourself this year.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how your theme will shape your life in many positive ways.  I would welcome your sharing your 2011 theme with me and the readers of “The Healing Project.”  Please use the “Leave a Reply” form below to share your comments.

I wish you all the best in 2011!

Related Posts:

• Lack of Connection: All of the technology in the world can’t change the fact that we are growing more and more socially isolated in our society.  In fact, a recent study found that 25% of Americans have no confidants at all!  Loneliness is becoming the biggest epidemic in our country, even bigger than cancer or heart disease.   In this post, I write about this troubling trend and share my personal struggle with isolation, as well as how I plan to turn it around.
• It’s the Little Things: I have always wanted to help others and make a difference in the world.  Lately, however, I have questioned how much of a contribution I am making and have increasingly felt that what I do is not good enough.   A recent experience vividly illustrated the powerful truth in Mother Teresa’s simple quote, “We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.”   The focus of this week’s post is on that experience, what it taught me, and how I will proceed in life based upon what I learned.
• Resolutions Done Right: The end of the year is often a time of looking back.  What was great about the past year?  What didn’t work so well?  In contrast, the start of a new year is generally a time when we look forward instead of backwards.  Many people set goals for the coming year, which are commonly referred to as “New Year’s Resolutions.”  This post outlines how to conduct an end of the year review, as well as how to better set goals using the S.M.A.R.T. principle and how to set structures in place which will help you to achieve your goals.

Dealing With Worry

While I was waiting to have the ultrasound done, I did my best to maintain a positive attitude.  I told myself that what I had was just a benign cyst and that it would soon disintegrate.  I affirmed my health and vitality the best I could and devoted my attention to my to-do list.  I reminded myself of the two powerful questions which Gay Hendricks (in “The Big Leap”) suggests we ask when we find ourselves immersed in worry:

1. Is it a real possibility?
2. Is there any action I can take right now to make a positive difference?

In my case, the answer to the first question was yes.  It was a real possibility that the lump in my breast could be malignant.  However, the answer to the second question was no.  I had taken the necessary actions to determine the state of the lump by having the mammogram done and scheduling the follow-up ultrasound.  There was really nothing else I could do until I knew the outcome, so it was not in my best interest to worry.  There was little I could do except wait and go about my life as per usual.

Gaining Perspective – What Really Matters

While I was waiting and going on with my life, I gained a few insights.  I thought about all of the things I complain and worry about.  I considered my ongoing complaint about my lack of professional and financial success.  I am continually upset and down on myself for not having lived up to my potential in the area of career.  While this is important to me, in the wake of waiting to learn whether or not I had the “big C,” it seemed surprisingly insignificant.

What I did think about were all of the things I enjoy in my life.  It might surprise you to learn that what I appreciate most are the “little things,” things like going on walks with my husband, petting my cats, enjoying a nice meal, and watching my favorite television shows.  I also reflected upon seeing my husband smile, cuddling on the couch, reading a good book, and learning a new skill.  I thought about how we all tend to take for granted that we will live a full life and have the privilege of growing old.  We all believe we will be given the gift of time, yet some of us are not afforded that benefit.

Elizabeth Edwards – Rest in Peace

During my waiting time for the ultrasound, it was announced that Elizabeth Edwards had lost her six-year battle with breast cancer.  She had waged a good fight and had lived longer than many expected she would, but 61 is still too young to die, especially for a woman with two young children she had hoped to see grow up.  Although I had never met Elizabeth Edwards, I felt I knew her because she had been such a public figure over the years.  I felt her pain when it was reported that her husband was not only unfaithful, but had also fathered a child through his affair.  My heart ached for this woman who knew she would soon die and have to entrust the care of her beloved children to the estranged husband who had betrayed her in a multitude of ways.

My eyes welled up when I learned of Elizabeth Edwards’ death, but in addition to my usual compassion, there was also an element of “what if?” in my tears.  I wondered if I would meet with a similar fate and at an even younger age.  I reflected upon the fragility of life and the keen necessity for us to enjoy each moment of our blessed existence.  I am sure that Ms. Edwards was all too aware of this in her final days…

Moment of Truth…

My ultrasound ended up being inconclusive and I was referred to a surgeon for a consultation a week later.  At that point, it was just a few days before Christmas.  It became more difficult for me to concentrate on my tasks at hand and I found myself more and more consumed with worry.  When the day finally came for my consultation, the dark skies mirrored my frightened mood as I drove to the surgeon’s office.  Fortunately, I was spared from a harsh and terrifying diagnosis.  The surgeon confirmed that I had not one but two benign cysts and removed them via a simple procedure.  I was sent home with instructions to have another mammogram the following year and then every other year moving forward.

The gratitude I felt upon being given a clean bill of health was intense.  It was the best Christmas gift I could have been given!  I found myself thanking God for my life and for the many, many blessings that I have, blessings that are too numerous to elaborate upon in this post.  My mood shifted from one of despair to a light and happy state filled with abundant hope.

A Backslide and a Reminder

Sadly, my positive state did not last.  It wasn’t long before I started berating myself for my career failings once again.  How quickly I forgot my gratitude just for being alive and being able to enjoy the “little things” which bring me so much joy in life.  Luckily, I have been able to catch myself and remember what a blessing it is to be alive and to have so much to be grateful for.  Sure, my life isn’t perfect, but it is actually very good.  Although I haven’t managed to set the business world on fire, I am a good person who really does have a wonderful life.  I have people who love me and I do make a positive difference in the world, even if it isn’t on as grand a scale as I would ultimately like.

I have to remain present to gratitude and all of my many blessings.  I have to remember to enjoy the little things in life, as that is really where the true magic exists for all of us.   After all, the dying never wish to spend more time at the office.  Instead, they long for more time with their loved ones and to engage in their hobbies and joyful pursuits.  I am incredibly fortunate to have the time and the luxury to do the things I enjoy each and every day.  I will do my best as I move forward in this year and all those that follow not to take my blessings for granted.  I am truly a very, very fortunate woman!

Related Posts:

• It’s the Little Things: I have always wanted to help others and make a difference in the world.  Lately, however, I have questioned how much of a contribution I am making and have increasingly felt that what I do is not good enough.   A recent experience vividly illustrated the powerful truth in Mother Teresa’s simple quote, “We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.”   The focus of this week’s post is on that experience, what it taught me, and how I will proceed in life based upon what I learned.
• The Tyranny of Shoulds: We all have a voice inside of our heads which tries to tell us what to do, how to act, and who to be.   Sometimes this voice is productive, such as when it moves us out of inertia and into action.  However, the voice can also be counterproductive or even destructive.  This post explores the dark side of our inner voice, the place where “should” and self-recrimination reside.    Some tips on escaping the “tyranny of shoulds” are presented to help us find a happy medium.
• The Practice of Gratitude: It’s been said that the biggest key to happiness is gratitude, and I believe it’s true!  When we are present to all that is wonderful in our lives, it’s difficult to feel depressed and despondent.  In this post, I outline a few simple yet powerful practices to help us stay present to the many blessings in our lives.

I conducted a similar audit on my life as a whole and came up with 15 serious personal and professional wins for the year (including regular blogging!), as well as three key areas of my life which didn’t go as well as I would have liked.  This audit created a firm foundation for my 2011 planning and I highly recommend that you do something similar.

New Year’s Resolutions

The start of a new year is generally a time when we look forward instead of backwards.  Many people set goals for the coming year, which are commonly referred to as “New Year’s Resolutions.”  While such resolutions get a bad rap from many people (often because they are typically broken within a few short weeks), I am a fan of designating areas to work on in one’s life.  In fact, this blog resulted from my wanting to change various areas of my life during 2010.

While my life is still a work in progress (as is the case for everyone), I have made excellent progress in healing various areas of my life since I set the intention to do so in early 2010.  I will be posting on my progress shortly as we approach the one-year milestone of “The Healing Project” on February 3, 2011. Stay tuned…

Conducting an End of Year Review

To conduct my 2010 yearly review and plan for 2011, I used the following questions from Tony Robbins (paraphrased by me):

1. What was great about 2010?  What were your “magic moments”?  What worked well for you?
2. What didn’t work or wasn’t so good about 2010?
3. What are you committed to for 2011?
4. What structures are you going to put in place to help you honor those commitments?

The third and fourth questions posed by Tony Robbins are critical in terms of successfully achieving your goals. In my opinion, the main reason many New Year’s resolutions fail is that they are too general and don’t have any “teeth” behind them (the structures).

Setting S.M.A.R.T. Goals

For a resolution or goal to come to fruition, it is critical that certain criteria are met.  These criteria are commonly referred to in personal development circles as the S.M.A.R.T. principle.  You may have heard of this principle before, but it bears repeating.  When you set a goal, make sure that it is:

• Specific: Is your goal clearly stated?  For example, instead of setting a resolution to “start working out,” a specific goal would perhaps be stated as “work out for at least 30 minutes four times per week.”
• Measurable: How will you know when you’ve reached your goal?
• Action-Oriented: The best goals require that you take powerful and deliberate actions.
• Realistic: While it’s good to stretch yourself when setting goals, your goal should actually be reachable.  It isn’t productive to set “pie-in-the-sky” goals which you don’t really believe you can achieve.  A 40-year-old may not be able to win the Olympic marathon, but he may very well be able to finish a local marathon.
• Time-Based: Your goal should have an end-point; that is, a date by which it will be achieved.  If you want to lose ten pounds, for instance, you should specify the date by which it will happen.

Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions

Often, what people call New Year’s resolutions are really more intentions than goals.  They tend to be very general and most frequently do not meet the S.M.A.R.T. criteria.  According to goalsguy.com, the top ten New Year’s Resolutions are as follows:

1. Lose weight and get in better physical shape
2. Stick to a budget
3. Debt reduction
4. Enjoy more quality time with family and friends
5. Find one’s soul mate
6. Quit smoking
7. Find a better job
8. Learn something new
9. Volunteer and help others
10. Get organized

All of these resolutions are admirable and worthwhile.  However, they are also all very general and don’t adhere to the S.M.A.R.T. principle.  The good news is that only a small amount of effort is needed to turn your generic resolution into a S.M.A.R.T. goal!  Let’s use one of my 2011 resolutions as an example…

Making Your Goals S.M.A.R.T.

One of my intentions for 2011 is to decrease my spending, particularly on clothing and books (similar to #2 above).  Here is a possible way to make this goal S.M.A.R.T., as well as a few possible structures I could put in place to increase my chances of actually achieving it.

S.M.A.R.T. goal: I will decrease my 2011 spending on clothing and books by 25% as compared to 2010 expenditures.

Structures:

1. Create a monthly budget for both clothing and books.
2. Keep purchase logs for both clothing and books.  Review monthly.
3. Return clothing items if not worn within 30 days.

It’s Your Turn!

I hope my example was helpful!  Now it’s your turn.  Take that “lose weight” or “get organized” resolution and make it S.M.A.R.T.  But don’t stop there!  Create a few structures to put in place for you to remain conscious of your goal and to increase the possibility of bringing it to fruition.

And don’t be afraid to recalibrate your goals over the course of the year.  Sometimes your circumstances change and your goals shift as well.  Finally, if you struggle along the way, forgive yourself, recommit and move on.  We all experience bumps in the road.  After all, it is said that it took over 500 tries for Thomas Edison to create the light bulb.  But he didn’t give up, and neither should you!  Each day we are alive represents a new chance to create a powerful future and fulfill our dreams.  It’s not too late – and you are worth it!

Related Posts:

• Welcome: As 2010 began, I realized that my life was not where I wanted it to be. Like most years, I created a list of intentions and goals for the coming year, but felt at a loss as to how I would accomplish many of them.  One night in mid-January, I had somewhat of an epiphany as I was working out at the gym.  I remembered the wonderful book by Louise Hay called “You Can Heal Your Life.” I wondered what would happen in my life if I were to adopt a positive mindset and decide to love and accept myself, as Louise suggests.  I decided to dedicate the time and energy to heal my life in 2010 and to chronicle my experiences and insights in a blog titled “The Healing Project.”
• Progress Already!: Six weeks after beginning “The Healing Project,” I had already begun to notice some positive changes and progress in myself.  Included among these improvements were an improved attitude, increased productivity, and enhanced confidence. This post looks at how the “law of attraction” had begun to work in my life since starting blog and the Louise Hay exercises and affirmations.   My new positive focus was attracting good things into my life!
  
• Six Months Already?: This post was written at the halfway point of my year-long quest to heal my health and my life.  Since beginning “The Healing Project” on February 3, 2010, I have gained a number of powerful insights about myself and about life.  I summarized my insights in four categories:  gratitude, attitude, hope, and healing.  I expand upon each of these items and commit to continuing my healing project and sharing even more wins related to health, relationships and success moving forward.

I started this blog in February 2010 and have made 50 posts to date. Regular weekly posts will resume next week (and will continue at least through February 2011 – most likely longer).

Which Posts Were Tops?

I have designated the following posts as the “Top 10 Posts of 2010.” This designation was made based upon several criteria:  post popularity, comments and feedback from others (either directly on the blog or to me personally), and my personal feelings about which posts were my best of the year.   The posts are listed from most recent to least recent and a post summary is included.  To read a post in its entirety, click on the post title.

Happy New Year!

I hope you enjoy this recap of the best “Healing Project” posts for 2010.  I wish you health, happiness, and peace in the coming year.  Here’s to healing ourselves and our lives in 2011!

Top 10 Posts of 2010

1. Don’t Worry! (10/22/2010): Over the years, I have wasted many hours and sacrificed endless enjoyment by worrying about all sorts of things, most of which never came to pass.  This post examines the hazards involved in being a “worrywart” and presents some powerful insights from Dennis Prager and Gay Hendricks on the topic of worry.  You will learn some good reasons to stop worrying, as well as excellent questions to ask yourself when you find yourself engaged in this destructive and deflating habit.
2. It’s the Little Things (9/30/2010): I have always wanted to help others and make a difference in the world.  Lately, however, I have questioned how much of a contribution I am making and have increasingly felt that what I do is not good enough.   A recent experience vividly illustrated the powerful truth in Mother Teresa’s simple quote, “We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.”   The focus of this week’s post is on that experience, what it taught me, and how I will proceed in life based upon what I learned.
3. Serenity, Courage, Wisdom… (8/25/2010):  This post explores the meaning of the Serenity Prayer and how it can help us to live a more peaceful and happy life.  The Serenity Prayer is also applied to a personal struggle involving the self-destructive behavior of someone in my life and my inability to help or save that person.
4. Revisiting Loss & Letting Go (7/27/2010): Fifteen years ago, one of my closest friends committed suicide at the age of 32.  Although I don’t know if one is ever completely “over” a loss of a loved one, I thought that I had mostly moved on after the passage of so much time.  However, when I recently came across an old box of mementoes of this friend, I found myself unable to open the box and look at what was inside.  This post explores the issue of loss and how being stuck in the past can hurt us.   I also look at how facing things instead of avoiding them can set us free and help us to heal.
5. Illness As Avoidance (5/25/2010)- Could it be that you have created your physical pain in order to prevent or avoid potential psychological discomfort?  If so, how would it be for you to face the challenges at hand and not let your ailments stop you?
6. Facing Fears (5/17/2010): Fear is a normal emotion and a natural part of life.  Fear can help us to steer clear of dangerous situations and it can help us to navigate safely through treacherous encounters.  While some fears can be healthy and helpful, other fears are actually detrimental to our happiness and well-being.  In this post, I write about how fear adversely affects our lives and examine one of my irrational fears and my powerful decision to face it.
7. Body Love, Self Love (5/11/2010): If someone were to ask you if you love yourself, how many of you would reply with an enthusiastic “Yes”?  How about if you were asked if you love your body?  For years, I was my own worst critic. I would look in the mirror and pick myself apart mercilessly. The years of criticizing my body have taken a toll on my psyche and my health.   This post is about the hazards of criticizing ourselves and our bodies and how our thoughts create our reality.  According to Louise Hay, criticism locks us into the very pattern we are trying to change. Understanding and being gentle with ourselves helps us to move out of it.
8. Missing Tile Syndrome (5/3/2010):   As human beings, we have a tendency to focus on what is missing instead of on what is present.  This post focuses on a concept introduced by author Dennis Prager in his book, “Happiness is a Serious Problem.”  I present an overview of the concept of the “missing tile syndrome,” as well as the three main ways for dealing with it.
9. Compulsive Behaviors (4/23/2010):  Over the years, I have struggled with various forms of compulsive behavior, including dieting, compulsive overeating, excessive exercise, overspending, and working too much.  You may have grappled with similar issues, or you may have had problems with drinking, drugs, gambling, sex, or any number of other maladaptive behaviors.  It doesn’t matter which of these behaviors has plagued you, the problem is usually rooted in the same causes. This post is geared toward examining compulsive behavior, getting to the root of why we engage in such destructive actions, and looking at what we can do to begin to turn it around.
10. Key Principles – Part 1 (2/19/2010): This post summarizes some of the key philosophies of Louise Hay, author of “You Can Heal Your Life,” the book which is the foundation for The Healing Project.   Among the principles examined is “we are each responsible for our own experiences” and “every thought we think is creating our future.”

As I am not a particularly religious person (I always call myself “spiritual but not religious”), I have had to give some consideration as to what this time of year represents to me.  In this post, I share some of my personal insights on Christmas and the holiday season and what I consider to be the greatest lesson for this time of year.

It’s the Holidays – Time to Buy!

As Christmas approaches, we start to see the holiday decorations in the stores and television and newspaper ads for gift suggestions and sales.  We are told to show our love for those in our lives by buying them the “perfect gift,” often at a premium price.  Since many people are already strapped for cash in the midst of the recession, the stress induced by the pressure to buy is higher than ever.  We wrestle with questions of who to buy for, what to buy and how much to spend.

We rush out to crowded shopping malls and comb the packed aisles and racks in search of a gift which will either serve to express our love or fulfill an obligation.  Most of us don’t stop to wonder, “Is this what Christmas is all about?”  Religious or not, we can probably all agree that Christmas has been distilled down to a shopping  and buying related event in this country for many people.   If we think about it, we may consider it a sad reality, but a reality nonetheless.

No Gifts – Bah Humbug?

In my family and circle of friends, there isn’t much gift-giving that happens anymore.  This started a few years ago with one family member opting out of giving gifts, and like a domino effect, virtually everyone else jumped on the “no gifts” bandwagon.  I now only buy gifts for a few people, although I enjoy spending time around the holidays with a number of others.  I consider it a win-win proposition, as I experience much less stress this time of year yet I still get to enjoy being around the key people in my life. However, without the hubbub of purchasing, wrapping, and sending gifts, I’ve had to give some introspection to the topic of what Christmas means to me.  More on that topic later in this post…

A Thanksgiving “About Face”

On the other hand, for many years, I dreaded Thanksgiving.  As someone with a long history of eating disorders, I didn’t like the association this holiday had with overindulging in fatty food.  I considered Thanksgiving to be a day when I would either have to veer off my Spartan eating plan or be faced with a barrage of questions as to why I wasn’t stuffing my face like everyone else.

I have since changed my perspective on Thanksgiving dramatically and now consider it to be a more authentic occasion than Christmas.  After all, the purpose of Thanksgiving is to simply reflect upon the blessings in your life and express gratitude for all that you’ve been blessed with.  If a person is religious or spiritual, showing appreciation toward God for what he has given you is a part of the occasion, but it also includes the expression of thanks to those in your life who have shown you kindness, respect, and love.

A Beautiful Thanksgiving Gesture…

I received a very touching letter (handwritten at that!) from a friend this Thanksgiving.  In this letter, my friend simply expressed her sincere and heartfelt appreciation for my friendship.  It wasn’t a long letter; in fact, it probably took her less than thirty minutes to write, address, and mail.  Yet this letter is one that I still have on my desk so I can read it every now and then, and it continues to bring tears to my eyes.  It feels so good to know that my presence in this person’s life is meaningful.  This friend doesn’t buy me Christmas presents, but I don’t care.   Her letter meant more to me than any Christmas present ever could.

The True Meaning of the Holidays

I shared the story above because I have decided that the true meaning of the holiday season for me is the message which Thanksgiving represents, gratitude and appreciation.  I’ve decided to not just take one day to reflect upon the blessings in my life, but to consider the true gifts that I’ve been given throughout the entire holiday season (Thanksgiving through New Year’s – and hopefully beyond)!   I believe that most of us don’t take enough time to pause and express thanks for the bounty that exists in our lives.  If we think about it, the majority of us have more blessings in our lives than curses.

The Glass is Half Full

I’ve decided that I’m going to adopt a “glass half full” attitude toward life.  It really is true that whatever it is you are looking for, you are sure to find it.  If you search for what’s missing in your life, a list of the things you lack will be easy to compile.  However, if you take a moment to reflect upon what’s present, you’ll create an even longer list AND you’ll feel much better for it.

Don’t Wait to Appreciate Your Life!

I don’t want to wait until I receive a dire diagnosis or lose someone dear to me to count my blessings.  I especially don’t want to list my blessings in hindsight.  I want to enjoy them in the moment, where they exist each and every day.  So instead of lamenting my lack of significant income, I am grateful for the freedom I have to pursue my interests and passions and to be able to spend the majority of my days doing what I choose to do.  And instead of cursing the wrinkles and gray hairs which now mark my middle-aged visage, I am happy for the wisdom which I’ve amassed through spending 44 years on this planet.

I will not take for granted that I will be blessed with another 44 years or more, as that may not be the case.  The countless tragic stories we hear on the news and experience in our personal circles make it all too clear that we cannot control how much time we have.  In a flash, this miracle of life can be taken away from us.

Fear Not, My Friends…

The uncertainties of life do not have to make us sad or afraid.  If we live in the moment, we can experience joy and gratitude in every breath and in each blessed day.  I am so happy to be alive and I am so grateful for my life, flaws and all!  I appreciate the blessings which I have been given and I vow to carry that appreciation with me as I move forward in life.  As this holiday season progresses, I will strive to make every day Thanksgiving.

Closing Quotes on Appreciation

I close with a few quotes which I feel punctuate my message well:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.” – Hilary Cooper

When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” – Anthony Robbins

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” – John F. Kennedy

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.”  - Meister Eckhart

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” – Epictetus

Related Posts

• The Practice of Gratitude: It’s been said that the biggest key to happiness is gratitude, and I believe it’s true!  When we are present to all that is wonderful in our lives, it’s difficult to feel depressed and despondent.  In this post, I outline a few simple yet powerful practices to help us stay present to the many blessings in our lives.
• Missing Tile Syndrome: As human beings, we have a tendency to focus on what is missing instead of on what is present.  This post focuses on a concept introduced by author Dennis Prager in his book, “Happiness is a Serious Problem.”  I present an overview of the concept of the “missing tile syndrome,” as well as the three main ways for dealing with it.
• Staying Present: A few years ago, I became highly “accident prone.”  A primary reason for this was that my mind was always on what I had to do next, not on what I was doing in the moment. I decided to allow myself more time to get things done and to be more mindful about my actions. This one simple decision has made a significant impact on my life.  This post looks at the dangers in not living in the moment, Louise Hay’s insights on accidents, and how staying present can help us to live richer and more fulfilling lives.

Indecisiveness is a common problem and one I’ve suffered from tremendously over the years.  I have driven myself crazy when wrestling with all types of decisions, from the large to the seemingly insignificant.  I have wasted countless hours in weighing pros and cons and wracking my brain to make the “right decision,” and I have lost out on things I’ve wanted by taking too long to make up my mind.

Dennis Prager on Indecision

I recently listened to a broadcast of Dennis Prager’s Happiness Hour on the topic of indecision.  Both Dennis and his callers presented some powerful points on this important topic which have made a difference in the way I approach decisions in my life.  This post highlights some of these key points and I hope it will help you to combat the perils of indecision.

Dennis Prager gave an example of a man who was looking to buy a house.  He found two homes which met his basic criteria; both homes were great, but the man couldn’t make up his mind.  He had spent months trying to decide which home to buy and will very likely lose out on both options as a result of his indecisiveness.  I have had this type of thing happen to me with job offers and potential purchases.  Because I couldn’t make up my mind, the decision was made for me and I lost control of being able to decide my own fate.  I was paralyzed by my fear, so I didn’t get what I wanted.  I lost out on both door number one and door number two and was left “back at the drawing board.”

Looking for Absolute Certitude

Those who have difficulty in making decisions are looking for absolute certitude that they will make the right decision.  Unfortunately, that is something we just never get!  As Prager said during his broadcast, “Where in life do we ever get absolute certitude?”   Most of the time, we just don’t get to know what’s right beyond all shadows of doubt, so we have to proceed without knowing the outcome.

The indecisive don’t trust themselves to know or do what’s right.  They are plagued by both fear and self-doubt and are constantly looking for external validation.  It is not uncommon for such people to ask everyone they know for their opinion on a pending decision but not feel helped by the input at all.  They continue to engage in their “paralysis by analysis” and all their frenetic pondering only serves to keep them running in place and not moving forward in life!

Surprisingly Simple Advice

The advice given by Dennis Prager is surprisingly simple.  He recommends that when we are struggling to make a decision, we should ask ourselves, “What is the worst thing that could happen if I make the wrong choice?” A healthy attitude to adopt regarding decisions is to say, “So what if I make the wrong decision!” It is very rare in life that we can’t undo a decision.  Most of the time, we are able to turn things around if we find ourselves going down the wrong path.  Sure, it can take some courage and effort to course-correct, but it’s doable in most instances.

Even if a choice can’t be undone, often the gift of time will bring us perspective such that we don’t end up regretting what we’ve chosen.  For example, many divorced people do not wish they had never married in the first place.  Rather, they are grateful for the good times in their marriages, as well as the lessons they learned as a result of the dissolution of the union.

Two Good Choices, No Bad Outcome

When you think about it, many decisions are between two good choices and there are really no bad outcomes.  The man who was wrestling with his house decision had two excellent options before him.  While it’s possible that one house was a bit better than the other, neither would have been a bad place for him to live.  My struggle to settle upon a career bears strong similarities to the house example.  The options in front of me were all good and I seriously doubt I would have been miserable with any of them.  My indecision has led me to dabble in a variety of professions instead of resolutely following a singular path.  Thus, I have not achieved the level of career mastery that I would have hoped for at age 44.

My brother experienced similar career confusion for much of his life and found himself paralyzed by indecision for a number of years.  Fortunately, through the encouragement of his wife, he finally made a decision (without certitude) and became a teacher.  A decade later, he is satisfied with his choice and has made a difference in the lives of many young people.  Would he have been just as happy in one of the other professions he’d considered?  It’s very likely, as his options were based upon research and consideration, not random selection.

Set a Time Limit for Decisions

Dennis Prager recommends that we give some thought to the options before us and then make our decision!  It can be very helpful to set a time limit for rumination and consideration.  Keep the time limit short and after it has elapsed, force yourself to make a decision.  I remember a trick I learned (I forget where…) in regards to decision-making.  If you’re stuck between option A and option B, flip a coin.  On which side the coin lands is not nearly as important as your reaction.  You likely know in your gut what you want to do, but you are letting your emotions lead you astray.  The way you react to how the coin lands can tell you a lot about what you truly want to do!

Key Points on Decision-Making

I close with a recap of the salient points made by Dennis Prager:

1. We never get to have absolute certitude regarding decisions.
2. Ask, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
3. If you wait too long to decide, you often lose out on BOTH options!
4. Much of the time, the choice is between two (or more) good options.
5. It is rare that a bad decision cannot be undone.
6. Set a time limit for rumination and then make a decision!

While the points above may not immediately “cure” you of your indecisiveness, they can make a big difference in the way you approach decisions moving forward.  Setting a time limit can stop the “paralysis by analysis” phenomenon that can present a strong roadblock to your happiness.  Decision-making is a skill like any other.  With practice, it gets easier and you do a better job with it.  Won’t you join me in combating the perils of indecision?

Related Posts:

• Facing Fears: Fear is a normal emotion and a natural part of life.  Fear can help us to steer clear of dangerous situations and it can help us to navigate safely through treacherous encounters.  While some fears can be healthy and helpful, other fears are actually detrimental to our happiness and well-being.  In this post, I write about how fear adversely affects our lives and examine one of my irrational fears and my powerful decision to face it.
• The Tyranny of Shoulds: We all have a voice inside of our heads which tries to tell us what to do, how to act, and who to be.   Sometimes this voice is productive, such as when it moves us out of inertia and into action.  However, the voice can also be counterproductive or even destructive.  This post explores the dark side of our inner voice, the place where “should” and self-recrimination reside.    Some tips on escaping the “tyranny of shoulds” are presented to help us find a happy medium.

• Don’t Worry!: Over the years, I have wasted many hours and sacrificed endless enjoyment by worrying about all sorts of things, most of which never came to pass.  This post examines the hazards involved in being a “worrywart” and presents some powerful insights from Dennis Prager and Gay Hendricks on the topic of worry.  You will learn some good reasons to stop worrying, as well as excellent questions to ask yourself when you find yourself engaged in this destructive and deflating habit.

The Glass is Half Full!

No matter how many troubles we have at a given point in time, we can always find aspects of our lives that we appreciate and enjoy.   This “glass half-full” type of attitude can help us to embrace what’s right in our lives instead of lament that which we feel is wrong.

Some “Greatest Hits”

As this is a holiday week (and hence, there is more to do in less time…) and I have written quite a bit on the topic of gratitude in the past, I have decided to highlight a few of my past posts instead of creating all new content for this week.  The three posts which I have chosen to revisit all focus on the ever important topic of gratitude.  Please see the post summaries below and click on the post title to view that post in its entirety.

I hope you enjoy some of my favorite past posts.  As usual, your comments are welcomed!  I wish you and your families a very Happy Thanksgiving!

• The Practice of Gratitude

It’s been said that the biggest key to happiness is gratitude, and I believe it’s true!  When we are present to all that is wonderful in our lives, it’s difficult to feel depressed and despondent.  In this post, I outline a few simple yet powerful practices to help us stay present to the many blessings in our lives.

• Missing Tile Syndrome

As human beings, we have a tendency to focus on what is missing instead of on what is present.  This post focuses on a concept introduced by author Dennis Prager in his book, “Happiness is a Serious Problem.”  I present an overview of the concept of the “missing tile syndrome,” as well as the three main ways for dealing with it.

• Six Months Already?

This post was written at the halfway point of my year-long quest to heal my health and my life.  Since beginning “The Healing Project” on February 3, 2010, I have gained a number of powerful insights about myself and about life.  I summarized my insights in four categories:  gratitude, attitude, hope, and healing.  I expand upon each of these items and commit to continuing my healing project and sharing even more wins related to health, relationships and success moving forward.