It is just a coincidence that I am posting this on “Tax Day,” but perhaps there is some synchronicity there…
Sometimes I lack discipline. While I’ve been doing much better at getting myself up and moving and working on my tasks each day, I still have some major challenges relating to self-discipline.
A Shopping Trip…
Earlier this week, I allowed myself the rare weekday outing of shopping with a friend. I LOVE to shop! Walking around a boutique or department store, I’m like the proverbial kid in a candy store. I revel in the delights of pristine new clothes, shoes and accessories. Sometimes I am content to just look, but more often than not, I feel tempted – or even compelled – to buy. I feel as if I lose my sense of reason and rationality when I find myself face-to-face with new things.
Buying What I Don’t Need
I often do buy, and at times it’s just too much. Not only am I not making much money at present, but I spend most of my days at home in front of my computer wearing workout clothes. For much of the time, the only ones who see me are my husband and my cats. I do enjoy dressing up for my husband when we go out, but he’s fine seeing me dressed casually at home, and I know the cats don’t care if I’m wearing pajamas or a little black dress! Suffice it to say that I don’t really need a large wardrobe, but need doesn’t seem to factor into the equation much of the time.
Spending Leads to Remorse
Back to this week… I was shopping with a friend who I would definitely call a “fashionista.” She keeps up with all of the latest trends to a much larger degree than I do and is always impeccably put together. While I believe that she likes me for me, I found myself wanting to impress her and buying things I didn’t really need and which aren’t exactly practical for my life. As I drove away from the mall, remorse hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only was I afraid to reveal my purchases to my husband, I felt weak and ashamed. I had broken my commitments to my husband and to myself around spending and sadly, this was far from the first time I had done this.
“Shopaholic”?
A few months ago, I watched the movie “Confessions of a Shopaholic.” This movie was supposed to be a comedy, yet it brought me to tears. It was while I was watching this movie that I realized that I, like the main character, had a shopping problem. I actually looked for Shopaholics Anonymous online after the movie ended, but learned that it doesn’t exist. There is Debtors Anonymous, but debt isn’t really a problem for me, spending is. I am fortunate in that we are able to pay off our credit cards each month, but sometimes my spending has made those bills much higher than they needed to be.
Loss of Control
I hate the feeling of being out of control. I would imagine that the way I feel in a department store is how a compulsive gambler feels in a casino. I know someone who had a gambling problem and she is steadfast in her belief that she can never gamble again. I shudder to think of never shopping again, yet I know I need to do something about this problem.
For now, I have decided upon which purchases will be returned and they are now in the trunk of my car waiting to go back to the stores. It sure would have been easier not to have bought these items in the first place… I dread going back to the stores with my tail between my legs, but far worse than my embarrassment is my feeling of weakness and lack of self-control.
Compulsive Behaviors
I’m sure that most of you don’t have shopping problems, but I’m guessing that you can relate on some level. We all have our compulsive behaviors, whether they be shopping, drinking, eating, sex, gambling, working, or something else altogether. I have vacillated among several compulsive behaviors throughout my life, with the most difficult being shopping and eating (or at times, not eating).
There seems to always be something, but I am self-aware enough to know that there is a much deeper issue than the compulsive behavior itself. There is an emptiness inside which I am desperately trying to fill, yet I know that no amount of new clothes or shoes can fill that hole.
This leads me back to my “healing project,” which is about healing both my body and my soul. I am in the right place and I am on the path toward healing my overspending and all of my other issues…
In my next post, I will look more at compulsive behaviors, what they mean, and how to get to the root of them. I can’t promise to give you the answers, but I hope to be able to shed some light on this problem to help facilitate our healing in this area.
awesome post Debbie. I can so relate. Thanks for your honesty.
Hey Debbie!
Just found this (from FB). I look forward to future posts! Hope you are great. We need to get the book club started again. Have a great day =)
[...] by debbier Last week, I wrote the post “Overspending,” about a recent shopping trip that resulted in my spending too much money and feeling that I had [...]
[...] wear a small fraction of them. I have a tendency to be a compulsive shopper (see my post titled “Overspending” in my sister blog, “The Healing Project”) and I’ve come to decipher the reasons why I shop [...]
The fact of the matter is that although 7 out of 10 Americans lives paycheck to paycheck, the truth is that the majority of this population earns enough money to relieve themselves of this financial strain and begin to get traction with their money if they can commit to a budget.
Ron, thanks for commenting on my blog. Your comment is right on. Most people live beyond their means and spend more and more money as they earn a higher amount. A budget is definitely helpful as long as one reviews it and commits to stick to it!
I briefly looked at your blog just now and it looks interesting. I bookmarked it and plan to read some of your articles very soon.
[...] Overspending: Sometimes I lack self-discipline, and this is particularly evident related to shopping. I feel as if I lose my sense of reason and rationality when I find myself face-to-face with new things. This post highlights a recent shopping trip during which I overspent and how I felt following that experience. I also start to look at the issue of compulsive behaviors in general and how they are about desperately trying to fill an internal void inside of us. [...]